Reflection | Landmark

When I was growing up, our family didn't have a lot of money.  Until I was 9, my dad was the sole breadwinner in the family.  My mom worked out of the home....she did it all.  She maintained the inside and outside of the house.  I didn't think much of it then, but now, I think wow!!  We lived quite modestly.  There was no big spending on birthdays or holidays.  There was the Sunday outing, post church, at Royal Fork.  Oh, how I loved RF, all the food you could eat, my kind of place.  We'd eat until our belly's were full and then we'd go home and nap with our bursting belly.  For birthdays, my mom would combine them into one big party a year, it didn't matter that my sister's birthday was in December, and it was June.

When I turned 10, my mom went to work.  She worked swing shift so there was always a parent at home.  I can remember coming home from school to the smell of  a casserole in the oven.  I loved casserole, remember I love food.  We'd eat early, as my dad got home early, as early as 4pm.  That would leave the evenings free for play and soccer.  My dad began coaching around the same time, my brothers who were 5 and 6.  He continued to coach for 20+ years.  One thing I remember about my dad, even though we didn't have a lot of money, he always provided for his players.  He wasn't a paid coach, as they seem to be now, it was all volunteer work.   As was his position on the soccer board, his other duties in the league, managing fields, schedules and equipment.  If one of his players couldn't afford to play, he'd chip in.  If a parent couldn't juggle practices, he'd drive the yellow submarine taxi throughout Federal Way.

My dad has done well financially over time.  He's made some smart investments.  And though he struggled with unemployment through the years, it's been a blessing in disguise, as he now has three (I think) retirements that he collects from.  He's always been content.  Never a materialistic person.  Never wanted the big house, fancy car.  Well, wait, let me take that back some...I think he did want a bigger house but my mom said NO.  I remember her telling me the thought of paying $23K vs. $16K on a house back in 1962 was too much for her.

It wasn't until recently that he's shared some of his wishes with me.  He wished he had had a farm...he always wanted some pigs, cows and chickens and a house with a white picket fence.  He thinks now that it's too late.  At 77, he might be right.  I don't know.

But it makes me think about my life.  Is it going in the direction I want?

Sometimes I struggle with this, actually lately I've struggled with this.  I'm nearing what could be considered middle age.  Although I still feel young, I'm straddling the line and not keeping my balance very well.

I think I am a lot like my dad.  Well, maybe not so much on the saving part of his "story" and I can be a bit materialistic and have to slap myself when I get caught up with the "keepin' up with the Jones'", but I overall, I think I am.

Those near and dear to me know I've always, always longed for a farmhouse, land, chickens, cows and maybe a pig.   They know I love the sweet smell of hay and everything farm.  But it's always been a dream a wish.

My current house is no where close to my dream.  In a culdesac, no land, I can see my neighbors out my bedroom window, but at the time of purchase, with three kids, it was a conscious choice.  Sidewalks, community and neighborhood schools were the priority.  I AM making the most of it, I am thankful for what I have.  I am truly blessed.  I do love my house, but I'm not IN LOVE with my house, do you know what I mean?

I do think now, as the housing market has fallen and ten years have zoomed by and I'm only four years away from potential retirement, will my wish ever come true. 

I am working on being content.  I'm working on not suffering over my choices.  I'm working on being present with what I have.  Being thankful.  I'm working.

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Years ago I participated in Landmark Education.  It was amidst an ugly divorce, working out an ugly parenting plan, starting a new position and feeling like my world was upside down with a 8-month old stuck to my chest. 

Landmark changed my life.

Feeling a bit of a funk in my world, Landmark is reentering the picture.  {read scared}

Tonight I start an 8-week course, "Causing the Miraculous -- A New Realm of Possibility".  Here's a description.

Oftentimes, we think “yes, we can create possibilities,” “yes, we have a say in the matter” - but can we really create something outside of what we consider the realm of the possible? Can we consistently produce unimaginable results - not by serendipity, chance, or luck? Do we have the capacity to create an environment in which the miraculous can occur?  You can't create miracles by earning them. You can't get one because you deserve it - or work hard enough to get one. Making the miraculous possible exists outside of what we can explain - the miraculous doesn't fit inside reality as we understand it. This seminar is about allowing what you would think is not possible to occur. It is about gaining tools, insights, and understanding into what it takes to create an environment in which you can have the miraculous occur - and occur reliably."

Why do I start such things when work is hella busy, baseball season has started, soccer continues, volleyball.....

My word for 2011 is change.  I'm hoping and praying for change.

xoxo