Fear No More

I'm back from my four day venture to Cannon Beach.  "Ignite the Heart" was more than I could have ever imagined.  Going in I felt many of the emotions that I thought I would.  But when I typed them pre-trip, I thought it would have been easier to "snap" myself out of them.  The snap didn't work so well.  It is likely that I "willed" them into the universe and generated the preconceived notions into the "space".  I struggled.

It's hard to have the voice of doubt in your head.  You listen but also know how stupid and unrealistic it is.   You tell it to shut-up, but it aches and pulls at your thoughts.  There was a lot of struggle to generate what I knew I wanted.  And at times the pull was as strong as the waves at the beach.  Ache.

Saturday morning we all headed out about 6:30 for an early walk on the beach.  We listened to Melody make a declaration for all of us to hear, the world, the universe, mother earth and her waves listened to her words.  She was inspired, she was inspiring, I was inspired.   And as we separated, I reflected, I listened to the waves.  It was at that point that Tonya suggested that I make a declaration too.  What could I write in the sand...what did I want to be washed away, what stops me in life, to write it and send it out to sea, away from me....I wrote FEAR.   What a strong word, it felt right.  Fast forward to Saturday night, our last night.  The couches were moved, the dance floor was set and the music was on.  And there it crept, fear.  Now, you may not know this about me, but I DO love to dance.  I dance all the time with my kids.  But as the pounds have added to my body this year, they also add weight to my self-esteem.

As I sat back and watched the dance party start, I knew that sitting couch-side was not what I wanted.  I wanted to belong.  These amazing woman don't know the scared Tere, the one filled with fear.  They only know the Tere that is present with them now.  So I danced, and I didn't care who was watching.

photo courtesy of Lara Blair www.modernprairiegirl.com

Four days weren't enough.  I met an amazing group of talented women.  We met, we laughed, we cried, we shared and we danced.